I reached an overseas call center yesterday, and I spoke to a woman with an almost incomprehensibly thick accent. She interpreted everything I said literally, and seemed to have little or no comprehension of what the conversation was about. I was increasingly irritated, not so much by her struggle to convert our conversation in her head to her native tongue and back, but by her attitude, which was rude, and rather condescending. I could hear my hillbilly ancestors going off in my head- "Dammed Furriners"! After recovering from the shame of the white guilt moment that inspired, and further hassles because she still couldn't understand the (pitifully simple) order I was trying to place, I told her never mind, cancel it, for which I was rewarded with an immediate disconnection, no sorry, sir, no attempt to get a supervisor to help her with the order,no goodbye, nothing, just "click" . "What a bitch", I thought. I sat and thought about what I could learn from this. How much interpersonal intercultural conflict grows out of the assumption that race, culture, creed or lifestyle or other aggregate label is the causative factor in the conflict, when the issue really is that someone is just being a bitch?
Getting past the use of the word in animal husbandry (bitch as a female member of the canine species),
the Oxford Dictionary has this entry on the word, generally attributed to old english via old norse.a. Applied opprobriously to a woman; strictly, a lewd or sensual woman. Not now in decent use but formerly common in literature. In mod. use, esp. a malicious or treacherous woman; of things: something outstandingly difficult or unpleasant. (See also son of a bitch.)
This is of course, the official definition, but it has gone in so many directions in the colloquial that I think it bears a bit more of an in-depth examination., So, YO Bitches! Let's check it OUT!
I can be a total bitch sometimes, and certainly have been from time to time. Although men are usually referred to as assholes when they act like a bitch, I think there are subtle differences. Being an asshole implies a certain thoughtless brutishness, whereas a bitch knows how to plan. E.G. That manipulative little bitch!. To relegate this word's expression to the female gender seems to me rather sexist and frankly inaccurate. Anyone can scheme, and many do. There are numerous online references to the use of the word in gay slang, especially in the parlez of Drag Queens- "That bitch over by the bar won't even look at me". And women have reclaimed the word B*I*T*C*H*. Being In Total Charge of Herself- see the Bitch Manifesto in the links section. And it there are even those who have elevated the word to spirtual use- check out
And then there's the use as a greeting via urban vernacular "Wassup, bitch", or its uses as a term of sexual relationship as in I gots to go pick up my bitch for the party, or biker slang such as riding bitch, to take the back seat on ones bike, implying a certain submission to the person up front.
To be a bitch is not the same, however as bitching, or acting like a bitch. "That supervisor is such a bitch" is not quite the same as "she was being such a bitch today".
When it comes to men, you will hear "what an asshole" applied to that anal retentive, opinionated hard-ass who has chosen not to communicate or reason through a problem or issue, and although he probably really needs to be bitch-slapped, he may not actually be a bitch. An asshole is usually out-of-control, whereas a scheming, manipulative bitch can't ever seem to let go of control. There is perhaps some cosmic irony in the fact that both really need to loosen up. A man who continually disrupts his estranged wife's job by refusing to pick up their child when she has to go to work is certainly an asshole. Refusing to pay child support to try to force her to move back in is either being an abusive asshole or a bitch, and probably both. What makes him a bitch is the scheme, the plot, the plan to control another through verbal manipulation (gossip), financial manipulation (deadbeat dad), or other forms of denigration and humiliation. An asshole frequently turns into a bitch when he's been defeated in the unsympathetic courts, or by social connections and groups of people who have seen through his shit. And a bitch in the workplace usually uses gossip and manipulation to further her/his own agenda (and cover their own shortcomings).This is especially obnoxious in the case of the office flirt who never does anything right, but bats their lashes and sticks out their ass when confronted, or the politicking management suck-up using targeted gossip to raise multple issues so that it becomes increasingly difficult to see what the issue is (e.g. they don't merit the promotion desired, or they lack confidence in the skills they may have). This is the "See how awful they are- Don't I look good now, and what would you do without me?" game. If bitching were a job qualification, they'd have it made.
This scheming bitch will even take credit for the work of others, hiding their subterfuge with an attitude of superiority ("I'm just concerned with what's best for everyone").Bitch is just a word. It expresses the feelings of the user, and if interpreted correctly by the listener, it can be a great word for making an assessment of a situation. It can be a compliment ("That Bitch is Fierce"),
a warning ("Don't be such a bitch, it's exactly what he wants"), or an insult ("Fuck You, Bitch"). Perhaps more often than not, it sets off emotional responses in the listener which can really make the situation worse, which is a total bitch. "Bitchin" can be an expression of irritation ("Will you quit bitchin' about it and get off your ass"), or something totally awesome, ("Bitchin ride, dude").A good bitch responds to the situation they find themself in, and a bad bitch reacts to theirs. Whether we keep our power or give it away depends on us, I think, which leads me to this conclusion- being a bitch is a choice, as is whether or not we have a bitchin' day, or go home and bitch about our day till we go to bed and start it all over again the next. We can view our neighbor or co-worker as a bitch, or we can see how strongly we are holding on to an opinion, or trying to control a situation. It's a real bitch (difficult situation) to figure it all out sometimes, but I guess we are all doing the best we can. I can only choose for myself, and if necessary, choose to do better next time.
